Ancient Naughty Bits

We were looking forward to Khajuraho, about a 5-hour drive southeast of Gwalior, mostly for the prospect of two nights in the same hotel, the Temple Lalit.  The Rough Guide described it as a spa for the well-heeled tourist.  Fortunately the road wasn't bad as those we had experienced recently. Kamlesh managed to obey the instructions on the back of this truck and all the others that he passed during the course of our Indian road trip, which was drawing to a close.

Thom, who was probably most resistant to the charms of India,  actually said "namaste" to this greeter upon arrival.

After several members of the group booked massages, we met for drinks in the bar where a nervous waiter assured us that the ice was safe because the staff used water produced from the hotel's own filtration system.  Chris checked it out and said it looked OK but he alone ordered his gin & tonic straight.  The presentation of this dessert says all you need to know about the quality of the food service.

Hindu temples hidden by 500 years of jungle overgrowth--thus protecting them from Muslim defacement until the British re-discovered them in the late 19th century--are the big draw in Khajuraho.  We could have walked to the western group from our hotel but the fast-talking guide insisted that we use the van.  I took an instant dislike to his Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.

If you can't believe that the Hindus have 300 million deities, just visit these temples.  It seems as if there's a carving depicting every single god, most of whom are associated with a specific human human activity.  The incredibly detailed carvings rise into the sky, a testament to the piety of their creators.

The tourist board in Madhya Pradesh knows their stuff.  The temples are immaculately tended and landscaped.

Our guide got pissed when I insisted on a group photograph here.

Instead of here, where azaleas border the base.  Two focal points are enough for any photo.

I chose this spot to flash my peace sign.

Beautifully sculpted horses flank the temple.

My instincts about the guide proved correct.  With the smarmiest possible grin, he explained how Shiva typically was depicted with one of her arms behind her head to give her full breasts a lift.  When I asked if any of the carvings depicted menstruation, he pretended not to understand.

Here's Shiva inside a temple, looking very Marilyn Monroe.

And here's Dan, in front of Shiva's altar, where she has adopted a more demure pose.

Some of the carvings depict the Kama Sutra, which helps explain the guide's smarminess and the giggles that erupt in tourist groups as often as trunk horns on the local highways. Note the center square.

Porn alert--whenever an elephant looks to the right, you're sure to see some naughty bits.

The guide cluelessly noted that men during wartime have no sexual outlet other than bestiality.

Is that why this camel looks nervous?

It didn't take long for Shiva fatigue to set in.

This pup provided a cute distraction.

Chris and I also briefly toured this Jain temple.  Respect for life among Jains is so absolute that they use peacock feathers to sweep any area before they sit down so as not to kill any insects unwittingly.  My kind of folks, although at my age I'm not so sure about their practice of walking around naked to demonstrate their lack of worldly possessions.  The flags atop this temple indicate that Jains actively continue to worship here.

While the others lolled about the pool and had what turned out to be fairly mediocre massages, Dan booked a jeep safari to Panna National Park and invited me along.  Thanks again, Dan!

This is as close as we got to any of the 18 tigers and 16 leopards that live here.

We did see monkeys, hyenas, alligators, a buzzard, wild boar and this deer.

These elephants are enjoying a bath.  One is about to get a massage from his driver.

Here's Dan with our guide.

The sun had set over the Ken River by the time we drove back to the hotel with the pepper-scented breeze blowing through our hair under a moonlit sky.  You can see a man fishing from an inner tube.  Lucky guy.